Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
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Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
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Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!
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Three couples are dining together.
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
The English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
The [you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb cow".
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Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"
Raymod Smullyan, "What Is the Name of This Book?"
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Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
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"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla (香子兰), strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse (有沙哑刺耳的嗓门的) whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis (喉炎)?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."
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Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard (芥末).
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A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of (on the verge of 接近于, 濒临于) passing out (pass out 昏倒, 死) when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out, "Water...".
A bedouin (贝都因人) appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?" With this, he brandished (挥舞) a collection of exquisite (精致的) silken neckwear.
"You fool," gasped (气吁吁地说) the man. "I'm dying! I need water!"
"Well, sir," replied the bedouin, "If you really need water, there is a tent about two kilometers south of here where you can get some."
Without knowing how, the man summoned (鼓起；振作) sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and collapsed.
Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door and enquired, "May I help you sir?"
"Water..." was the feeble reply.
"Oh, sir," replied the bedouin, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie!"
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Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.